A Monumental Day....Silenced Again

Yesterday, June 26, 2015 - The Supreme Court of the United States ruled that same sex couples can legally marry.  Nationwide! A statement made by one of the justices:

"No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice and family," Kennedy wrote. "In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than they once were."

http://www.cnn.com/2015/06/26/politics/supreme-court-same-sex-marriage-ruling/

Facebook:  Facebook lit up yesterday with profile pictures changing to rainbows.  People were posting left and right about it....pro and con.  One of my neighbors posted the following:

So you are gay? That's cool, I'm straight, that doesn't mean I need to go around flashing it all over social media does it? Look I do not oppose gays or gay marriage but why does it deserve any more attention than being straight? Sorry just me being out spoken again. Btw sorry if this offends any of my gay or lesbian friends, just trying to make a point.

The irony of it all......she just flashed her "straightness" over social media!  The very thing she said she shouldn't be doing!  Which I gladly pointed out to her.

Silenced again: My daughter came home from being at her friend's house all day to see that I had changed my facebook profile picture to reflect a rainbow in support of the supreme court decision and saw what I had said on my neighbor's post.  She lost it. She started crying.  "Oh mom!  I bet you were jumping for joy when you heard the news!" (said in a very sarcastic voice).  "Why does everything you do have to be in anger?  Why do you have to share your opinion with EVERYONE? Why can't you just keep your opinion to yourself?  Why can't you just be a normal mom?  All you care about is hating the church.  It's all you ever spend your time on!  Why can't you have a conversation that doesn't end up relating to the church?"  Then she stormed off to her room so we couldn't talk about this temper tantrum she had just thrown.

She wants her Mormon mommy back.  She wants everything to go back to how it used to be. Peace, love, harmony.....depression....divorce....She wants the old ME back.   She just wants me to be QUIET!

The old ME

• Opinion free (I let the church determine every opinion I needed to have) .
• Cause-less (I let the church fight causes for me).
• Uncaring (I let the church care for the poor and needy for me).
• Quiet (The church could be loud if it needed to be - I certainly didn't need to be loud).
• Fully Clothed (The church determined how much skin I would show).
• Stay at home mom (The church told me to stay at home to nurture my kids).
• Depressed (I was a very depressed stay at home mom because I was not naturally a nurturer and could not fit the mold the church expected).
• Almost Divorced (Before I left the church I asked my husband for a divorce for the very last time.  I was done.  He had not provided for the family for the last time.  I could "not" provide for the family just as well as him).

I was a wreck in the church.   I might have appeared "put together" and "at peace" but I was always just about a half step away from losing my shiz.  

The new ME

• Full of my very own, well thought out, opinions. 
• Willing to fight for causes that are important to me.
• Open eyes to be able to SEE the poor and the needy and actually help them, myself!
• Not always fully clothed.  I let the weather, not the church, determine what clothes I will wear and what skin will be exposed.  I do not prescribe to a notion that I am "immodest" if my shorts are above my knee or my sleeves are closer to my neck than my elbow.
• Working Mom - I have finally realized that I am not a happy nor fulfilled person staying home all day.  It is extremely boring to me.  I don't want to make crafts all day or keep an immaculate house.  That means nothing to me.  Going to work, stimulating what brain cells I have left, has been amazing for me.  I'm getting my brain back.  I'm having good ideas again.  I'm making changes.  I'm improving processes.  Work brings me happiness.  Staying at home - (when the kids are away at school all day???) - was not for me.   Some women might find complete fulfillment in that....and more power to them! But we have to realize we are not all the same. We can't all make our unique selves fit into the same mold.
• Happy!  I haven't been depressed since I left the church. That's not to say I don't get sad or mad or have emotions.  I still do.  But I am generally a much happier person now!  I get to make my very own decisions, I get to choose my destiny.  I am a person now....not another cog in the pioneer wagon wheel - pushing along the same cookie cutter person.
• Not Divorced - while I can't guarantee this won't happen - at least leaving the church helped me focus more on my family.  I was always so angry that my husband couldn't provide financially for the family - because that's what the church told us he needed to do.   What I had forgotten was that 22 - almost 23 years ago - when we got married - before the church had a "proclamation" telling us who should work and who shouldn't - my husband and I had decided, together, that he would be the artist and I would have a sensible job.  We had always planned on ME being the provider....NOT him.  He is naturally an awesome nurturer.  He likes doing things for the kids.  He likes feeding them and taking care of their needs.   THAT does NOT come naturally to me....for whatever reason.  Initially - we had decided that he would stay home and pursue his music while I got the great job that provided for the family.  Three years after we were married and after we had our degrees - the church told us in the proclamation to the family that I needed to stay home with my kids and my husband needed to work. Problem - he wasn't prepared for that - he hadn't gotten a degree that would allow him to get a normal job. For the rest of our lives we struggled financially.  He couldn't keep a job more than about a year.  We moved 18 times in 18 years.  I stayed home and had babies.  I wasn't mentally prepared for that.  I became a depressed, mean, yelling mom.  The kind you see in the movies. Laying on the couch all day, neglecting my kids....sleeping instead of feeding them.  Sleeping instead of playing with them.  Sleeping instead of teaching them.  Crying.  A lot.  Except for Sundays. Sundays I had my shiz all together.  I was super woman on Sundays.  Went to church - did my "duty to God" and all.  This expectation the church gave us - for moms to stay at home and be happy and dads to go to work and be breadwinners....I believe that ruined my relationship with my husband.  I have a very hard time loving him because of all the years I resented him for not "providing" for the family like the church said he was supposed to.   The church promised us blessings for following the proclamation.  I couldn't see ANY.  Leaving the church allowed me to TRY to find love for him again.  He has lost almost all that I fell in love with him for - so it is not easy to even know why I fell in love with him in the first place.  But for that - I blame the church - and not him any more.  And my daughter should be extremely happy that I left - for that one reason alone.  That I did not divorce my husband.  That I am willing to try to love him again - without the church telling me who he should or shouldn't be.  

"In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than they once were"

Amazing words.  If nothing else comes out of yesterday's decision - at least I saw that quote.  We get married to help each other become something greater than we once were!  And here I thought we get married to hold each other down - and back.  I've got a lot to learn. And put into practice.  

Silenced:

While I will not be silenced....I will take my daughter's words into account.  She wants her mom back.  I want to be her mom.  I want to spend my time with her - because my time with her is limited. She'll be gone and out of the house before I know it.  I can be not as loud for her.  But life isn't all roses and puppies.  I wish it was.  Teens need to be prepared to LIVE in the world.  If all they come out of the "home" life with - is the ability to read the scriptures and go to church - then I have failed as a mom.   My job as a mom is to prepare my kids to be moral, upstanding citizens of the world. If I have taught them to care for their neighbor, to help the needy, to fight for what is right, to love unconditionally then I have succeeded.  If they come out of their teens only knowing how to follow blindly and question nothing....I have failed, indeed.

Race and the Priesthood - Why this essay did me in

On 12/8/2013 the LDS church came out with the Race and the Priesthood essay - found here:

https://www.lds.org/topics/race-and-the-priesthood?lang=eng

I read this essay the summer of 2014.

A little bit of history.  The LDS church, as well as other churches, taught for many, many years that Blacks were from the seed of Cain, cursed with black skin.  Cain is considered to be the most evil man on Earth - as he introduced murder to the world.   He was cursed by God with black skin and the church has also taught that he would roam the Earth forever and not be able to die as a curse as well. (See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Curse_and_mark_of_Cain).  When the flood came to the Earth in the time of Noah - Cain's seed remained because, according to Mormon Doctrine, the wife of Ham was of that lineage.

When the church was founded or "restored" by Joseph Smith -  Joseph allowed blacks to have the priesthood.  When Joseph Smith died and Brigham Young became the prophet he would not allow blacks to have the priesthood any longer and made some very, very harsh statements about the black people (see below) pretty much stating that they would never have the priesthood. If they were to ever receive it - it wouldn't be until AFTER every other single person on the planet had received it first, because they were filthy, unintelligent and evil people.  This ban on blacks being able to have the priesthood continued until 1978 when the prophet Spencer W Kimball received the "revelation" that God was now ready for blacks to have the priesthood....despite modern apostles (Bruce R McConkie) having the "revelation" that Blacks will never have the priesthood in this lifetime....a revelation that later had to be denounced.

In the essay put out by the church, the church claims that “all are alike unto God.”¹
The church then defends the racism by going into a long history of the Unites States and slavery and stating everyone was doing it: "Those realities, though unfamiliar and disturbing today, influenced all aspects of people’s lives, including their religion.
Today, the Church disavows the theories advanced in the past that black skin is a sign of divine disfavor or curse, or that it reflects unrighteous actions in a premortal life; that mixed-race marriages are a sin; or that blacks or people of any other race or ethnicity are inferior in any way to anyone else. Church leaders today unequivocally condemn all racism, past and present, in any form."²⁴

SO WHAT??

Why does it matter that the church USED to be racist? All the other churches were racist as well!

WHY DID THIS ESSAY SHATTER MY WHOLE WORLD AND FAITH AND BELIEF IN MY RELIGION?

The problem comes from the truth claims of the church.

1. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints claims to be the restored gospel of Jesus Christ - the same gospel/church that Christ established when He was on the Earth.  
2. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints claims to be THE ONLY TRUE CHURCH on the face of the Earth.
3. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints claims to be led by prophets and apostles who speak DIRECTLY TO GOD.  
4. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints claims that GOD will NEVER allow the Prophet to lead the church astray.
5. God is unchanging.  He does not change his mind.

When I believed in the Mormon Church and subscribed to its teachings I believed all of the truth claims.  ALL OF THEM! I TRUSTED THEM!  When the church has to come out and say that they were wrong - that they were, essentially, led astray (by their own racist opinions) - that the prophets and apostles of the only true church on the face of the Earth - the same prophets and apostles who claimed to speak with God directly for the church - WERE WRONG - that means I have to reject every single truth claim, made above, by the church.

THE WHOLE POINT OF HAVING A PROPHET ON THE EARTH IS TO KNOW GOD'S WILL. IF THEY GOT GOD'S WILL WRONG.....THAT MEANS THEY DO NOT REALLY SPEAK TO GOD!

1. Was Jesus' church exclusionary?  Does the Bible ever talk about not allowing certain people in?  NO! Jesus' church was inclusive.  Jesus wanted everyone to feel welcome....the Saint and the Sinner. EVERYONE!
2. If teachings of the church are later disapproved or changed in any way that tells me that the church never actually had the TRUTH.
3. The apostles in the church are just mere mortals, fallible like all the rest of us.  Sometimes they teach good stuff....sometimes they don't.  The church tells us to cut them some slack - that they don't always speak from God.   Problem is that when they SAY they are speaking from God - how are we supposed to decipher whether they really are or not?  This should not be required from us.  If they say "God said so" we should be able to rely on those words. Alas - we cannot - because they don't actually talk to God.  They really, truly are just like all the rest of us and they are doing their best to imagine what God would want to tell us. THEY ARE NOT PROPHETS NOR APOSTLES BECAUSE THEY DO NOT SPEAK GOD'S WORDS. THEY ARE ONLY SELF PROCLAIMED APOSTLES AND PROPHETS.
4. God will never allow the prophet to lead His church astray....oh except for those 130 years when the blacks weren't allowed to have the priesthood and we were taught that blacks were evil people. 
5. Apparently GOD DOES CHANGE HIS MIND!!  Surprise!!  Sometimes God will just pretend to have a policy....and then later - when it suits the church's purposes (the church was about to baptize tons of tithe payers in Brazil - ie: lots of black people) and becomes so intolerable amongst the congregations - GOD WILL CHANGE HIS MIND!  Guess what Black people of the Earth?!?  God has now deemed you smart enough, couth enough, tamed enough, comely enough and agreeable enough to......wait for it......HOLD THE PRIESTHOOD! All of a sudden - after all these years of being so evil - you get to have the mighty priesthood.   Don't worry---the prophet didn't make the decision because there was so much pressure from the outside world.  Don't worry - the prophet didn't make the decision because the church had baptized thousands of black people but they would never be able to go to the temple....or be bishops in their own countries....yeah, you get the point.  The church - which would grow larger outside the United States than within it - would have to be led by all white people....unless this change were made.  

Disgusting. Disgusting.   I can't think of many things more disgusting.  I can't think of many things more untrue.  

I REJECT THE CHURCH AND ALL OF ITS TRUTH CLAIMS AND I WILL NO LONGER SUBJECT MYSELF TO THE CULT-LIKE REQUIREMENTS OF SUCH A DAMAGING CHURCH. 


Do you want to read some disgusting statements by the "GOD CHOSEN" prophets and apostles of the church?  Warning - you will want to throw up in your mouth multiple times after reading these statements.


Brigham Young 
"Shall I tell you the law of God in regard to the African race? If the white man who belongs to the chosen seed mixes his blood with the seed of Cain, the penalty, under the law of God, is death on the spot. This will always be so." (Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses, Volume 10, page 110.)

(FAIL!!!! DO YOU KNOW A SINGLE PERSON WHO HAS DIED ON THE SPOT FOR HAVING SEX WITH A BLACK PERSON?  RIDICULOUS!)






You see some classes of the human family that are black, uncouth, un- comely, disagreeable and low in their habits, wild, and seemingly deprived of nearly all the blessings of the intelligence that is generally bestowed upon mankind. The first man that committed the odious crime of killing one of his brethren will be cursed the longest of any one of the children of Adam. Cain slew his brother. Cain might have been killed, and that would have put a termination to that line of human beings. This was not to be, and the Lord put a mark upon him, which is the flat nose and black skin. Trace mankind down to after the flood, and then another curse is pronounced upon the same race - that they should be the "servant of servants;" and they will be, until that curse is removed; and the Abolitionists cannot help it, nor in the least alter that decree. How long is that race to endure the dreadful curse that is upon them? That curse will remain upon them, [p.291] and they never can hold the Priesthood or share in it until all the other descendants of Adam have received the promises and enjoyed the blessings of the Priesthood and the keys thereof. Until the last ones of the residue of Adam's children are brought up to that favourable position, the children of Cain cannot receive the first ordinances of the Priesthood. They were the first that were cursed, and they will be the last from whom the curse will be removed. When the residue of the family of Adam come up and receive their blessings, then the curse will be removed from the seed of Cain, and they will receive blessings in like proportion. - (Journal of Discourses 7:290-291, October 9, 1859)

(FAIL! LOTS OF BLACKS HAVE NOW RECEIVED THE PRIESTHOOD BEFORE THE REST OF THE LINE OF ADAM)  

"You may inquire of the intelligent of the world whether they can tell why the aborigines of this country are dark, loathsome, ignorant, and sunken into the depths of degradation ...When the Lord has a people, he makes covenants with them and gives unto them promises: then, if they transgress his law, change his ordinances, and break his covenants he has made with them, he will put a mark upon them, as in the case of the Lamanites and other portions of the house of Israel; but by-and-by they will become a white and delightsome people" (Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses 7:336).


(FAIL! - THEY ONLY BECOME WHITE AND DELIGHTSOME AFTER MIXING THEIR SEED WITH THE WHITE AND DELIGHTSOME - WHICH WAS FORETOLD TO ONLY BRING ABOUT INSTANT DEATH - - - NEWSFLASH!!! NONE OF THE PEOPLE BELOW ARE DEAD!!!   BUT SOME OF THEM ARE MORE WHITE AND DELIGHTSOME.  IS IT BECAUSE OF THEIR RIGHTEOUSNESS OR BECAUSE OF MIXING RACES??)

John Taylor, 3rd President of the Church

"And after the flood we are told that the curse that had been pronounced upon Cain was continued through Ham's wife, as he had married a wife of that seed. And why did it pass through the flood? because it was necessary that the devil should have a representation upon the earth as well as God;..."

Journal of Discourses, Vol. 22, page 304

(FAIL! - IF BLACK PEOPLE ARE THE DEVIL'S REPRESENTATION ON THE EARTH WHY DO WE HAVE BLACK GENERAL AUTHORITIES LEADING THE CHURCH??)

Wilford Woodruff, 4th President of the Church

"And if any man mingle his seed with the seed of Cain the only way he could get rid of it or have Salvation would be to come forward and have his head cut off and spill his blood upon the ground- it would also take the life of his children."

(Wilford Woodruff Journal)

(FAIL!  BLACKS ARE NOW PROMISED ETERNAL LIFE AND SALVATION JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.....WITHOUT GETTING THEIR HEADS CUT OFF!!!!   AMAZING!!! )

Apostle Orson Hyde

The belief that blacks were less valiant in the pre-existence may have been started by Orson Hyde, an original member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. This is the earliest statement we are aware of that discusses this:

At the time the devil was cast out of heaven, there were .some spirits that did not know who had the authority, whether God or the devil. They consequently did not take a very active part on either side, but rather thought the devil had been abused, and considered he had rather the best claim to the government.

These spirits were not considered bad enough to be cast down to hell, and never have bodies ; neither were they considered worthy of an honourable body on this earth : but it came to pass that Ham, the son of Noah, saw the nakedness of his father while he lay drunk in his tent, and he with " wicked joy," ran like Rigdon, and made the wonderful disclosure to his brethren ; while Shem and Japheth took a garment, with pity and compassion, laid it upon their shoulders—went backwards and covered their father, and saw not his nakedness. The joy of the first was to expose—that of the second was to cover the unseemliness of their father. The conduct of the former brought the curse of slavery upon him, while that of the latter secured blessings, jurisdiction, power and dominion. Here was the beginning of blessing and cursing in the family of Noah, and here also is the cause of both. Canaan, the son of Ham, received the curse ; for Noah wished to place the curse as remote from himself as possible. He therefore placed it upon his grandson instead of his son.

Now, it would seem cruel to force pure celestial spirits into the world through the lineage of Canaan that had been cursed. This would be ill appropriate, putting the precious and vile together. But those spirits in heaven that rather lent an influence to the devil, thinking he had a little the best right to govern, but did not take a very active part any way were required to come into the world and take bodies in the accursed lineage of Canaan ; and hence the negro or African race. Now, therefore, all those who are halting concerning who has the right to govern had better look at the fate of their brethren that have gone before them, and take warning in time
lest they learn obedience by the things which they suffer. " Choose ye this day whom you will serve." These things are among the mysteries of the kingdom, and I have told them, not by constraint or by commandment, but by permission.
(SPEECH OF ELDER ORSON HYDE, DELIVERED BEFORE THE HIGH PRIESTS' QUORUM, IN NAUVOO, APRIL 21th, 1845 ..., p. 30)

(FAIL! MAKE UP YOUR MIND!  ARE BLACKS SATAN'S FOLLOWERS OR JUST SITTING ON THE FENCE AND CAN'T DECIDE?)

 

Joseph Fielding Smith, President of the Church

"Not only was Cain called upon to suffer, but because of his wickedness he became the father of an inferior race. A curse placed upon him and that curse has been continued through his lineage and must do so while time endures. Millions of souls have come into this world cursed with a black skin and have been denied the privilege of Priesthood and the fullness of the blessings of the Gospel. These are the descendants of Cain. Moreover, they have been made to feel their inferiority and have been separated from the rest of mankind from the beginning.... we will also hope that blessings may eventually be given to our negro brethren, for they are our brethren-children of God-not withstanding their black covering emblematical of eternal darkness. " The Way to Perfection, pages 101-102. http://www.barncow.com/curseofcain/

(FAIL!  THE CHURCH NOW SAYS BLACKS ARE NOT THE SEED OF CAIN!)

"There is a reason why one man is born black and with other disadvantages, while another is born white with great advantages. The reason is that we once had an estate before we came here, and were obedient, more or less, to the laws that were given us there. Those who were faithful in all things there received greater blessings here, and those who were not faithful received less." (Doctrines of Salvation, p. 61)
(FAIL!  THE CHURCH NOW SAYS BLACKS WERE NOT LESS VALIANT IN THE PRE-EXISTANCE!)

"I would not want you to believe that we bear any animosity toward the Negro. "Darkies" are wonderful people, and they have their place in our church."Look magazine, October 22, 1963, page 79.

President Brigham Young, answering a question put to him by Elder Lorenzo D. Young in a meeting held December 25 , 1869, in Salt Lake City, said that Joseph Smith had declared that the Negroes were not neutral in heaven, for all the spirits took sides, but the posterity of Cain are black because he (Cain) committed murder." The Way to Perfection, pages 105-106.

"That negro race, for instance, have been placed under restrictions because of their attitude in the world of spirits, few will doubt. It cannot be looked upon as just that they should be deprived of the power of the Priesthood without it being a punishment for some act, or acts, performed before they were born."The Way to Perfection, page 43.

"Ham, through Egyptus, continued the curse which was placed upon the seed of Cain. Because of that curse this dark race was separated and isolated from all the rest of Adam's posterity before the flood, and since that time the same condition has continued, and they have been 'despised among all people.' This doctrine did not originate with President Brigham Young but was taught by the Prophet Joseph Smith .... we all know it is due to his teachings that the negro today is barred from the Priesthood." The Way to Perfection, pages 110-111.

Spencer W. Kimball, 12th President of the Church

"The day of the Lamanites in nigh. For years they have been growing delightsome... The children in the home placement program in Utah are often lighter than their brothers and sisters in the hogans on the reservation...There was the doctor in a Utah city who for two years had had an Indian boy in his home who stated that he was some shades lighter than the younger brother just coming into the program from the reservation. These young members of the Church are changing to whiteness and to delightsomeness. Spencer W. Kimball; The Improvement Era, Dec. 1960, p. 923)

Apostle Bruce R. McConkie

"Negroes in this life are denied the Priesthood; under no circumstances can they hold this delegation of authority from the Almighty. (Abra. 1:20-27.) The gospel message of salvation is not carried affirmatively to them... negroes are not equal with other races where the receipt of certain spiritual blessings are concerned, particularly the priesthood and the temple blessings that flow there from, but this inequality is not of man's origin. It is the Lord's doing, is based on his eternal laws of justice, and grows out of the lack of Spiritual valiance of those concerned in their first estate." (Mormon Doctrine, 1966, pp. 527-528)

(HUGE FAIL! NEVER SAY NEVER! TSK TSK! YOU WILL HAVE TO EAT YOUR WORDS!  TOO BAD YOU WEREN'T RIGHTEOUS ENOUGH TO HAVE GOD TELL YOU HIS REAL WORDS).

  

Because I'm Happy

February 14, 2015

Last night I spoke with my husband about the church.  I talked about how I love listening to the "My Book of Mormon" podcasts.

I always used to wonder if I was not born into the Mormon church if I would actually ever join it.  I always thought that I probably wouldn't have enough faith to do it.  Listening to these podcasts has been really good for me.  I have been able to learn a lot about The Book of Mormon from an outsider's perspective.  In the podcasts David Michael reads The Book of Mormon for the first time without ever knowing anything about the religion or the book.  It is often funny - how he interprets the things he reads.  I used to always say that the god of the Book of Mormon is a god of love.  Reading it from an outsiders perspective - it is very clear that God is racist, and likes to destroy His people.  It seems that the sets them up for failure and He finds joy when they make mistakes....so He can use his power to destroy them.  He is very far from a loving God.

Anyway.....I was talking to my husband about these things. He told me that he had met with someone from our ward for lunch.  This guy he met with is a psychologist.  He specifically met with my husband to discuss....wait for it.....ME!  This guy had a friend who also went through a faith crisis but was able to come out of it unscathed.  This story was to help my husband have hope for my future.  This guy asked my husband what he thinks about all the stuff I have told him.  My husband said "I am just putting all this stuff on the shelf.  I am not concerned with studying it or finding out more information."  He also told this guy that he thinks I'm just going through a "phase" and that I'll be done with it soon.  I asked him if any of this stuff bothers him.  He said "I'm happy."  "I'm happy and content right where I am and feel no need to rock the boat."

I guess that's all fair - why do anything to rock the boat when your life is happy.  He says that even if he's wrong and I'm right - at least he will have lived a good life.  I completely understand that mindset.  That is the exact same thing I used to say to myself.  I didn't care if it was true or not.  No harm or foul would come from just believing.  I would have lead an alcohol and drug free life - I would stay married for fear of losing my family,  I would raise righteous kids.  If any of my kids strayed I would be sad for them.  Oh - we talked about that as well.  About how his mom likes to really hound all his siblings for not being "good mormons".  I would feel obliged to do the same thing if my children strayed.  I would be judgmental and probably love them less for not living the way I felt they should and for ruining our family's chances of staying together forever.  My husband said he wouldn't love them less.  I have a hard time believing that.  The ones that are faithful and true are the most loved because they don't cause heartache to the family.

So, while my husband says that he wouldn't want to read anything to teach him about the lies the mormon church has told us - and that He wants to just stay happy - I feel like he's missing out on so much more happiness.  So much more of a genuine life. A life full of meaning.  Of learning to ACTUALLY love unconditionally.  I believe you cannot be in the church and love unconditionally. The culture of the church has taught us to think less of our fellow beings that are worse off than us - to think less of the sinners....and everyone else in the world who is different from us.  We are elite because we are born in the church.  We are God's chosen people.  So when he says he can love unconditionally while being a member of the church - I submit that he is 100% wrong.

Stay in the church because it makes you happy and you don't want to rock the boat.  Translated to:

• "Truth does not matter"
• "Seeking after knowledge is pointless"
• "It is better to spend a day in the temple doing work for the dead than spending a day helping someone with yard work (helping a real LIVE person)"
• "Happiness is more important than truth"
• "The truth hurts - so avoid it.....no one likes pain"
• "Critical thinking is turning your mind over to the devil"

I have been silenced

February 13, 2015

Today I was silenced.  

I received a call from my sister today telling me I needed to stop posting things on Facebook.  My posts have been upsetting people in my ward and in my family.  My sister received a call from my aunt asking if I was leaving the mormon church.  My aunt advised my sister to tell me to take down my facebook posts and to change my profile picture (I had a picture of a candle - in support of John Dehlin).  She said that if my mother saw these things it would certainly kill her.  And she didn't mean it would just hurt her.  She meant it would actually physically kill her.  She is a frail woman.  She has gone through a lot.  First she had sarcoidosis.  Then she got breast cancer.  Then she got lung cancer....and I'm sure she's had some skin cancers removed.  Then when she was in remission from everything my dad got prostate cancer and died.  Life has been horrible for her.  So now she is one messed up bundle of shaky nerves.  Her immune system is horribly compromised.  She really is fragile.  So, for her sake, I will be silent - on facebook.  But I will anonymously be loud.  This blog is my megaphone and I will turn it on full blast.