Last night I spoke with my husband about the church. I talked about how I love listening to the "My Book of Mormon" podcasts.
I always used to wonder if I was not born into the Mormon church if I would actually ever join it. I always thought that I probably wouldn't have enough faith to do it. Listening to these podcasts has been really good for me. I have been able to learn a lot about The Book of Mormon from an outsider's perspective. In the podcasts David Michael reads The Book of Mormon for the first time without ever knowing anything about the religion or the book. It is often funny - how he interprets the things he reads. I used to always say that the god of the Book of Mormon is a god of love. Reading it from an outsiders perspective - it is very clear that God is racist, and likes to destroy His people. It seems that the sets them up for failure and He finds joy when they make mistakes....so He can use his power to destroy them. He is very far from a loving God.
Anyway.....I was talking to my husband about these things. He told me that he had met with someone from our ward for lunch. This guy he met with is a psychologist. He specifically met with my husband to discuss....wait for it.....ME! This guy had a friend who also went through a faith crisis but was able to come out of it unscathed. This story was to help my husband have hope for my future. This guy asked my husband what he thinks about all the stuff I have told him. My husband said "I am just putting all this stuff on the shelf. I am not concerned with studying it or finding out more information." He also told this guy that he thinks I'm just going through a "phase" and that I'll be done with it soon. I asked him if any of this stuff bothers him. He said "I'm happy." "I'm happy and content right where I am and feel no need to rock the boat."
I guess that's all fair - why do anything to rock the boat when your life is happy. He says that even if he's wrong and I'm right - at least he will have lived a good life. I completely understand that mindset. That is the exact same thing I used to say to myself. I didn't care if it was true or not. No harm or foul would come from just believing. I would have lead an alcohol and drug free life - I would stay married for fear of losing my family, I would raise righteous kids. If any of my kids strayed I would be sad for them. Oh - we talked about that as well. About how his mom likes to really hound all his siblings for not being "good mormons". I would feel obliged to do the same thing if my children strayed. I would be judgmental and probably love them less for not living the way I felt they should and for ruining our family's chances of staying together forever. My husband said he wouldn't love them less. I have a hard time believing that. The ones that are faithful and true are the most loved because they don't cause heartache to the family.
So, while my husband says that he wouldn't want to read anything to teach him about the lies the mormon church has told us - and that He wants to just stay happy - I feel like he's missing out on so much more happiness. So much more of a genuine life. A life full of meaning. Of learning to ACTUALLY love unconditionally. I believe you cannot be in the church and love unconditionally. The culture of the church has taught us to think less of our fellow beings that are worse off than us - to think less of the sinners....and everyone else in the world who is different from us. We are elite because we are born in the church. We are God's chosen people. So when he says he can love unconditionally while being a member of the church - I submit that he is 100% wrong.
Stay in the church because it makes you happy and you don't want to rock the boat. Translated to:
- "Truth does not matter"
- "Seeking after knowledge is pointless"
- "It is better to spend a day in the temple doing work for the dead than spending a day helping someone with yard work (helping a real LIVE person)"
- "Happiness is more important than truth"
- "The truth hurts - so avoid it.....no one likes pain"
- "Critical thinking is turning your mind over to the devil"
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